15 Things To Know About Dating & Autism

Dating & Autism

Dating can be scary for anyone, but being on the spectrum can make it more challenging. It’s important to know what your rights and boundaries are when it comes to dating as an autistic person — especially if you’re looking for a partner who has similar needs and expectations of themself. The following are 15 things we’ve learned over our years in the dating world:


Talk to your potential partner about how your autism affects you.

It’s important, to be honest with your potential partner about how autism affects you.

  • Be honest about how you communicate and process information in a way that works for you. If someone is able to understand the basics of what you say, then that’s great; but if not, it may be time for some adjustments in conversation structure or tone of voice.
  • Explain what makes sense to someone who doesn’t have an autistic child (or friend) in their life—what would make sense? What doesn’t make sense? Though this may seem like an easy question at first glance, there are many different ways that people experience autism and each person has different needs when they’re trying to navigate life on their own terms: sensory issues related directly back to whether or not being able physically to interact with others or situations outside our own bodies; social anxiety leading us away from public places where we might feel uncomfortable; etcetera!


Having someone you can trust is essential when dating.

Having someone you can trust is essential when dating. Trust is built over time, and it’s not just about being honest—it also requires being reliable and consistent.

You’ll want to know that your partner has good intentions, even if they don’t always express them in words. It’s important for both of you to be on the same page as far as what you’re looking for in a relationship:

Are there any red flags that should cause concern?

What are some things I should look out for?

Trust also means that each person has their own interests, likes, dislikes, and quirks; neither party has to sacrifice who they are in order for the other person’s needs to be met (or vice versa).

In addition, the trust ensures that both people have an equal voice within the relationship—if one partner does not feel comfortable sharing something personal with another member of their team then there will likely come times when this person will feel left out or excluded from conversations happening between others within said group/team.”


Talk openly about your needs and preferences.

  • Talk openly about your needs and preferences
  • Talk about what you like and don’t like
  • Talk about what you are comfortable with, and then talk about what you are not comfortable with
  • Be honest with yourself, but also be open to compromise


It’s important to have an accurate understanding of sex and consent.

As you might imagine, dating can be complicated for anyone with autism. And while it’s true that there are many ways to navigate relationships and sex, understanding consent is especially important when someone has a disability. In fact, it’s essential!

Consent is an ongoing, mutual agreement between two or more people—it isn’t a one-time thing; it doesn’t just happen at the moment of sexual activity (or any other time).

For example: “We’re going out tonight,” might be part of a conversation about plans for the evening; but if someone says something like “I’m going home now,” this could mean not only “I don’t want to have sex with you tonight” but also “I don’t want anything else from you except maybe friendship.”

Consent can be revoked at any time by either party—including during sex itself! If someone says no right away or even after they’ve changed their mind about having sex with you, then that’s what counts as consenting: giving your partner permission beforehand so he/she knows exactly what he/she needs before everything gets started off right again later on down below where everyone else lives instead because let’s face facts here: nobody wants strangers entering their bedroom uninvited without asking first!


Don’t feel obliged to accept every invitation for a date.

While it’s great to be invited out on a date, don’t feel obliged to accept every invitation for a date.

There are many reasons why someone might not want you to come along: they may have other plans, or maybe the event is important for them and they’d like you there but are unable to attend.

If you’re asked out by someone who doesn’t give much thought as far as whether or not you’ll want to go, it can feel like an imposition and put some distance between the two of you.


Rules are helpful but don’t take them too seriously.

Rules are helpful but don’t take them too seriously. Rules can help you feel more confident and in control of your own life.

They can also reduce anxiety levels and make dating easier to navigate. However, it’s important to remember that these rules were created by other people who may not have had autism themselves—and they may not work for everyone!

For example, The first rule is “Don’t ask someone out unless they’re wearing pants.” This is a good rule if you want to avoid awkward situations where both parties are wearing shorts, but it might not apply if the person has no legs (or even arms!).

And what about those people who go swimming without shirts? Or those who wear robes over their swimsuits all summer long?

This isn’t really an issue with respectability politics anymore; we all know that there’s nothing wrong with being nude under a robe when it comes time for swimming!


Your preferences will likely change over time — and that’s OK.

In a healthy relationship, you should feel comfortable expressing your likes and dislikes.

You can ask your partner what they think of something, or even try it yourself if you’re not sure how they’ll react.

Being open to new experiences can help you grow as a person! For example: maybe when I was younger I would have been scared of the dark or had difficulty going upstairs (though now those things don’t bother me at all), but now that my standards have changed thanks to my autism diagnosis.

I find them interesting because they give me new perspectives on life and make me more aware of how my condition affects my daily activities such as walking downstairs after dinner or going out into public without feeling anxious about being exposed in public spaces where there aren’t enough people around us who understand these types of differences between individuals with autism spectrum disorders like myself who live lives similar yet different than theirs.”


Building a foundation takes time. Don’t rush it or pressure yourself.

If you’re new to dating, don’t feel pressured to rush into anything. Dating isn’t a one-off event; instead, it’s a process of getting to know someone over time.

It’s important that both parties feel comfortable in their own skin and know how they want things to go before jumping into something too fast or abruptly moving forward (or backward).

If you’re worried about meeting someone who might not be able to understand your autism—and vice versa—don’t worry!

There are plenty of resources online that can help guide both parties along the way: websites like Autistic Hoya and Autism Speaks provide information about what autistic people actually think about themselves, as well as helpful tips for dating while living with autism.


It’s not always easy to know when you should start dating again after a breakup. 

 Trust your instincts and try not to be too hard on yourself if it doesn’t work out.

Make sure that you have time to recover from the breakup, and consider what you’ve learned from the relationship in order to make better decisions in the future.

If everything goes well, consider how this experience has changed both of your lives for the better—and perhaps even led to something new!


Be comfortable being yourself on dates.

One of the most important things to remember when dating is that you should be comfortable being yourself. You don’t have to change for anyone, including your date.

You can wear what makes you feel good and be who you really are—that will make them more likely to like you!

If someone has autism, it doesn’t mean they are weird or strange; it just means they have some differences from other people (like how someone might have a slower pace than others).

Don’t worry about what other people think about your differences; if there’s something about yourself that makes sense and feels right for who YOU are as a person, then go ahead and embrace it!


Keep trying until you find the right match for you. There is plenty of fish in the sea!

  • Don’t be afraid to try new things. If you’ve been told that you’re “too autistic” or “too weird,” don’t give up too quickly. Many people with autism are very good at improvising and adapting, so there’s a good chance that someone out there will appreciate your uniqueness!
  • Do not be afraid to ask for help if needed. Some people on the spectrum may lack the verbal skills necessary for communication, while others may struggle with reading body language or facial expressions in social situations. It is important, therefore, that autistic person knows how best to communicate their needs with others (e.g., through emailing). This can be particularly helpful when meeting new people who do not share common interests with them—it allows both parties time together before having any contact at all; however long this takes depends on many factors beyond anyone else’s control except maybe theirs (i.e., nature vs nurture).
  • Be yourself! The most important thing about dating someone new is making sure they know exactly what kind of person YOU are at heart–not because anyone else expects anything different from THEM but because no one wants another person hiding behind some mask just so THEY have less pressure going into something like this than would otherwise be possible without said mask being worn every single day once again tomorrow morning when everyone wakes up again after sleeping through yesterday evening until late afternoon before heading off somewhere else altogether where nobody cares anymore about anything except themselves which makes sense since we all live separately inside ourselves anyway so why bother talking about anything outside ourselves anyways?


Don’t dismiss all dating advice just because you’re on the spectrum!

Different people need different tips, so listen to others, but let your intellect guide your decisions as well.

In the end, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone in this world. There are many other people who have autism and they’ve probably dealt with the same things as you.

Don’t dismiss all dating advice just because you’re on the spectrum: different people need different tips, so listen to others but let your intellect guide your decisions as well.

If a relationship isn’t working out for whatever reason (for example: if he/she doesn’t respect your boundaries), try not being afraid of saying no or saying yes instead!

You deserve better than someone who would disrespect your boundaries and make decisions for both of you rather than allowing both parties to make their own choices individually (and respectfully).


Consider how to prevent physical contact before it happens.

Consider how to prevent physical contact before it happens, rather than trying to avoid it specifically when it comes up in the moment. For example, searching for words when it’s dark can help avoid kissing in the car at night!

Or if you’re doing something that requires both of your hands (like driving or eating), keep them busy by playing a game with cards or toys that require both hands.

If someone asks why your hands aren’t occupied, tell them you’re playing solitaire so they won’t think badly about what you’re doing!



We hope these tips have helped you better understand dating and autism. If you’re in a relationship and have questions about how to be more inclusive, please share with us.