Why Autistic People Worry About Making Mistakes

Have you ever felt your heart race after making a small mistake? For you, one error might just feel awkward. For many autistic people, it can feel overwhelming.

The autistic fear of making mistakes can lead to worry, stress, and even tears. You might feel stuck or scared to try again. You’re not alone in this.

Key Takeaways

• Cognitive inflexibility makes it tough for autistic people to change. This makes it harder to deal with mistakes. It can cause more worry and stress.
• Routines help people feel safe and know what to expect. When routines change, it can make people more scared of messing up.
• If someone was punished or judged before, they may worry about mistakes later. These fears can last a long time.
• Catastrophic thinking can trap autistic people in bad thoughts. It can make them stay away from things where mistakes might happen.
• Social pressure and what others expect can make fear of mistakes worse. This is true in school and with friends.
• Perfectionism can make people feel nervous about how they do things. Mistakes can seem like big failures, not chances to learn.
• Sensory overload can make people more anxious about mistakes. It is important to find ways to cope that help you.
• Being kind to yourself and having a growth mindset can help. It can make you less afraid of mistakes and help you grow.

The Autistic Fear of Making Mistakes

Cognitive Inflexibility

Definition

Cognitive inflexibility means it is hard to change your thoughts or actions. You might get stuck on one idea or way of doing things.

Many autistic people have this more than neurotypical people. Studies show autistic people have bigger problems with cognitive flexibility. This means it is harder to adapt when something unexpected happens.

Impact on Mistake Anxiety

If you struggle to change your thinking, mistakes can seem much worse. You might worry about what will happen next. You may feel anxious because you do not know how to fix things.

The autistic fear of making mistakes often comes from this worry. You might think about the mistake over and over. You try to figure out what went wrong. This can make you feel stressed or scared to try again.

Researchers found strong links between cognitive inflexibility and anxiety in autistic people.

Here is a quick look at what some studies found:

You might notice that when you cannot change your plan or routine, you feel more anxious about mistakes. This is not just in your head. Research shows cognitive inflexibility is common in autistic people. It is a big reason why mistakes can feel so scary.

Need for Sameness

Routine and Predictability

You might really like routines. Doing things the same way every day can help you feel safe. Predictability helps you know what will happen.

For many autistic people, routines are not just nice—they are needed. The autistic fear of making mistakes often comes from worrying that a mistake will break your routine.

Researchers saw this need for sameness a long time ago. They found autistic people often want things to stay the same. Change can cause anxiety. When you follow a routine, you feel calm. When something changes, you might feel nervous or upset.

Disruption and Stress

What happens if your routine gets disrupted? You might feel stressed, angry, or scared. Small changes can feel very big. For example, if you always eat breakfast before getting dressed, changing the order might ruin your morning. This stress can make you more afraid of mistakes. You worry that even a tiny error will mess up your day.

Here are some things researchers found about routine disruptions and stress:

• Changes to routines cause stress for autistic children and their families.
• Families said they felt more stress when routines changed, especially during big events like COVID-19.
• If you feel stressed, your parents or caregivers might feel stressed too.
• Caregivers noticed your behavior can get harder to manage when you feel stressed.
• Changes to routines and sensory issues are the biggest reasons for stress in autistic children.

The need for sameness can make it hard to handle mistakes. You might avoid new things or changes because you want to keep your routine. This can make the autistic fear of making mistakes even stronger. You may worry that one small mistake will lead to a big change. That thought can feel overwhelming.

If you know a change is coming, try to get ready for it. Even a small warning can help you feel more in control.

Past Experiences

Punishment and Criticism

Childhood Memories

You might remember times as a kid when you made a mistake and someone got mad. Maybe a teacher yelled at you for a wrong answer.

Maybe a parent shouted because you spilled something. These memories can stay with you for a long time. If you are autistic, these moments might feel even stronger. You may think about them again and again. The hurt from criticism can last long after it happens.

Some autistic people say they started to fear mistakes because every error brought punishment or harsh words. You might have felt confused about why people reacted so strongly.

Over time, you may have started to expect criticism every time you made a mistake. This can make you feel anxious and scared to try new things.

Adult Experiences

As you get older, the fear does not always go away. You might worry about making mistakes at work or with friends. Maybe you do not speak up in meetings because you are afraid someone will point out your mistake.

You could feel nervous about sending an email and check every word many times. The autistic fear of making mistakes often grows from these repeated experiences. You learn to expect negative reactions, so you try hard to avoid mistakes.

If you see these patterns in yourself, you are not alone. Many autistic adults feel this way. It can help to talk about your feelings with someone you trust.

Catastrophic Thinking

Negative Feedback Loops

When you make a mistake, you might think the worst will happen. You may start to believe, “If I mess up, everything will go wrong.” This is called catastrophic thinking. It creates a cycle where you expect bad things, so you feel more anxious and make more mistakes.

Researchers found that autistic people often get stuck in negative feedback loops. These loops make it hard to stop worrying and avoiding things.

Here is a table showing what studies found about decision-making and feedback in autistic people:

You might notice that when you expect negative feedback, you start to avoid situations where mistakes could happen. This cycle makes it harder to learn and grow.

Avoidance and Isolation

Because you fear criticism and expect the worst, you might start to avoid things that feel risky. You may skip group projects, avoid new hobbies, or stay quiet in conversations. Over time, this avoidance can make you feel alone. You miss out on chances to meet people or try new things. The autistic fear of making mistakes can make you feel lonely, even when others want to help.

Try to notice when you are avoiding something because you are scared. Take small steps to challenge these thoughts. You do not have to face everything at once.

Social Pressures

Social pressures can make you feel like you are always being watched or judged. When you are autistic, these pressures can feel even heavier. You might worry about fitting in or meeting the standards that others set for you. This worry can make the autistic fear of making mistakes much stronger.

Meeting Expectations

Academic and Social Standards

School and social life come with many rules and expectations. Teachers want you to get good grades. Friends want you to act a certain way. You might feel like you have to work extra hard just to keep up. Sometimes, it feels like everyone else knows the rules, but you do not.

Many autistic students say they feel left out or lonely at school. You might notice that you struggle to join groups or make friends. This can make you feel isolated. When you add the pressure to do well in class, it can feel overwhelming. Here is a table that shows how many autistic students report mental health struggles because of these pressures:

You can see that most autistic students feel anxious, stressed, or sad because of academic and social standards. These feelings can make you more afraid of making mistakes. You might worry that one small error will make you stand out or lose friends.

You are not alone if you feel this way. Many autistic people share these same struggles.

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

Fear of Judgment

You might feel very sensitive to what others think of you. If someone criticizes you or leaves you out, it can hurt a lot. This is called rejection sensitive dysphoria, or RSD.

Almost all autistic teens and adults—about 98-99%—show signs of RSD. You may find it hard to read social cues or know what others expect. Sensory issues can also make social situations harder.

• You might worry that people will judge you for every mistake.
• You may replay social moments in your head, wondering what you did wrong.
• You could avoid trying new things because you fear rejection.

Masking is another challenge. You might try to hide your true self to fit in. This takes a lot of energy and can make you feel even more anxious. Studies show that autistic people often struggle with social cues and emotional regulation. This makes it harder to cope with social situations and increases anxiety.

The autistic fear of making mistakes often grows when you feel judged or rejected. You may start to believe that one mistake will ruin your chances of being accepted. This fear can make you want to hide or avoid others, even when you want to connect.

Remember, everyone makes mistakes. You deserve kindness and understanding, even when things do not go as planned.

Perfectionism and Performance Anxiety

Perfectionism can feel like a big weight. You might set goals that are very high. If you do not reach them, you feel upset. This makes the autistic fear of mistakes even stronger. Let’s see why perfectionism and performance anxiety are common for autistic people.

Roots of Perfectionism

You may want everything to be perfect. If something goes wrong, you feel like you failed. Perfectionism means you think you must do things perfectly. If not, you feel bad. This thinking can make you worry about small mistakes.

Fear of Failure

Fear of failure is a big part of perfectionism. You might worry that mistakes mean people will not accept you. Sometimes, you think being perfect is the only way to feel safe. You may see things as perfect or terrible, with nothing in between.

Here is a table that shows how perfectionism and anxiety are linked for autistic people:

You might feel you need others’ approval to feel safe. This can make you hide your mistakes or act differently. Many autistic people think they must be perfect to fit in. This belief can make you more anxious about mistakes.

• You may practice social scripts to not look like an imposter.
• You might think only being perfect will help you fit in.
• You could use a lot of energy to hide your mistakes.

Performance Pressure

Performance anxiety means you feel nervous about how you do things. This is worse when people are watching. You might worry about talking in class or joining a group. Even sending a text can feel scary. This pressure is often stronger for autistic people.

Impact on Self-Esteem

Trying to be perfect can make you your own worst critic. If you make a mistake, you may feel not good enough. Over time, this can hurt your self-esteem. You may think you will never be good enough, even if you do well.

• You might think about mistakes over and over and feel embarrassed.
• You may not try new things because you fear failing.
• Trying to be perfect can make you feel tired and sad.

Sometimes, you feel less anxious with other autistic people. You may feel more relaxed because you share ways of talking. The stress often comes from trying to fit in with neurotypical people, not from social situations.

The autistic fear of mistakes can grow when you feel you must be perfect. You may avoid things where you could fail. This can make you feel alone. Remember, everyone makes mistakes. You deserve kindness and understanding, even when things go wrong.

Try to notice when you are too hard on yourself. Let yourself make mistakes and learn from them.

Sensory Overload and Mistake Anxiety

Sensory Triggers

Overwhelm and Mistakes

Have you ever felt like everything is too loud or bright? Many autistic people feel overwhelmed by sounds, lights, or textures.

Some noises might hurt your ears. Crowded places can make you want to leave. When your senses get overloaded, it is hard to think or stay calm.

• Many autistic adults say loud sounds hurt a lot.
• Sensory overload can make you feel anxious or cranky.
• Feeling anxious or cranky can lead to more mistakes in social times.
• Sensory overload can cause strong emotions and even panic.
• Kids who react to sensory input often feel more anxious as they grow up.

You may worry about making mistakes because sensory triggers are hard to avoid. Sometimes, just thinking about a noisy room or bright store makes you anxious. This worry adds to the autistic fear of mistakes. You might want to avoid some places or activities.

• Being around too much sensory input for a long time can make you anxious.
• You might feel stressed or mixed up when your brain gets too much information.
• Many autistic adults say sensory differences affect their mental health. This can lead to anxiety or even self-harm.

Coping with Sensory Stress

You can learn ways to handle sensory overload and lower anxiety about mistakes. Different things help different people. You might need to try a few to see what works best.

Here are some popular coping tools and what they do:

Listening to music can help you feel safe when you are stressed. Deep breathing or mindfulness can help you calm down when you feel overwhelmed. Fidget toys give your hands something to do and help you focus. Art is a good way to show feelings when words are hard.

• Mindfulness and meditation help you feel calm and lower anxiety.
• Deep breathing helps when you feel upset or angry.
• Sensory toys help you handle overload and stay focused.

Try to notice what causes your sensory overload. If you can, plan breaks or bring calming tools. Even small changes can help a lot.

The autistic fear of mistakes can grow when you feel overwhelmed by your senses. If you find ways to handle sensory stress, you can feel more confident and less anxious about trying new things.

Coping Strategies

Everyone makes mistakes, but you can learn ways to handle them better. You do not have to feel stuck or scared forever. Let’s look at some strategies that can help you feel more confident and less anxious.

Reframing Mistakes

Mistakes do not have to mean failure. You can see them as chances to learn and grow. This is called having a growth mindset. When you change how you think about mistakes, you start to feel less afraid of them.

Growth Mindset

A growth mindset means you believe you can get better with practice. You do not have to be perfect right away. You can try new things, even if you are not sure you will succeed. Here are some ways a growth mindset can help you:

• You focus on effort and celebrate progress, not just the end result.
• You see challenges as things you can handle, not things to avoid.
• You treat mistakes as normal parts of learning.
• You feel more confident when you notice your strengths.

When you use a growth mindset, you start to see mistakes as steps on your journey. You might even feel proud when you try something hard, even if it does not go perfectly. This can help lower the autistic fear of making mistakes.

Try saying to yourself, “I am learning,” instead of “I failed.” This small change can make a big difference.

Self-Compassion

Being kind to yourself is just as important as learning new skills. Self-compassion means you treat yourself with care, even when things go wrong. Many autistic people find this hard, but it can help you feel better about mistakes.

Practical Tips

Research shows that self-compassion can improve your mood and help you cope with stress. Here is what studies have found:

You can start building self-compassion with small steps. Here are some ideas:

• Create a sensory-friendly space with soft lighting or comfy seating.
• Take sensory breaks or practice mindfulness when you feel stressed.
• Use routines or visual schedules to help you feel safe.
• Try apps or tools that help you manage anxiety.
• Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes, and you deserve kindness.

You may struggle with self-criticism at first. That is normal. Over time, with practice and support, you can get better at being gentle with yourself.

Self-compassion is a skill. You can learn it, just like any other skill.

Support from Others

Getting support from people around you can make a huge difference. When you feel safe and understood, you can try new things without so much worry. Let’s look at how others can help you feel more confident and less afraid of making mistakes.

Creating Safe Environments

You need a place where you feel accepted and supported. Safe environments help you relax and show your true self. When you know people will not judge you, you can take risks and learn from mistakes.

• Supportive spaces remove barriers and let your natural confidence shine.
• These environments lower anxiety and help you become more independent.
• When people use intentional strategies, you feel empowered to thrive.

You might notice that sensory-friendly tools, like noise-canceling headphones, help you manage loud places. Clear routines and structure also make things less stressful. When you know what to expect, you can focus on what matters.

Positive Reinforcement

Positive reinforcement means people notice and celebrate your efforts. When someone praises you for trying, you feel good about yourself. This can help you keep going, even if things do not go perfectly.

• A simple “Great job!” or “I’m proud of you for trying” can boost your mood.
• Rewards or small treats can make learning new things fun.
• Encouragement helps you see mistakes as part of learning, not something to fear.

Ask people to tell you what you did well, not just what went wrong. This helps you build confidence over time.

Communication Tips

Good communication makes everything easier. When people talk to you in a clear and honest way, you feel less confused. You can ask questions and share your thoughts without fear.

• Direct and honest words help you understand what others mean.
• Clear instructions and breaking tasks into steps make things easier to follow.
• Visual schedules or pictures can help you get ready for changes in your day.

Some people use tools like sign language or picture cards to express themselves. These tools can help you share your feelings and needs. Practicing social situations, like role-playing, can also build your confidence.

Gentle Feedback

Everyone makes mistakes, but how people talk about them matters. Gentle feedback means someone tells you what to improve in a kind way. You do not feel attacked or embarrassed.

• Active listening helps you feel heard and respected.
• Creating a safe space for talking lets you share your worries.
• Visual aids or social stories can make feedback easier to understand.

If you feel nervous, try deep breathing or take a short break. Remember, you can always ask for help if you do not understand something. The autistic fear of making mistakes gets smaller when you know people will support you, not judge you.

You deserve kindness and patience. Support from others can help you grow and feel proud of your progress.

Making mistakes can be hard for you. Many autistic people feel scared of mistakes because of anxiety, bad memories, and needing routines.

Research says about 80% of autistic kids feel a lot of anxiety. This makes school and friendships more difficult. You can start to see mistakes as ways to learn. With help, kindness, and things like cognitive-behavioral therapy, you can feel braver and proud of what you do.

FAQ

What if I make a mistake in public?

You might feel embarrassed or worried. Most people understand that everyone makes mistakes. Try to take a deep breath. Remind yourself that it’s okay. You can always try again next time.

Why do mistakes feel so much bigger to me?

Your brain might focus on mistakes more than other people’s brains do. You may remember them longer or feel stronger emotions. This is common for autistic people. You are not alone.

How can I stop being afraid of mistakes?

Start small. Practice self-kindness. Notice when you do something well. Over time, you will feel braver. > Tip: Celebrate your effort, not just the result!

What should I do if someone criticizes me?

You can listen, but you do not have to agree with everything. Ask questions if you feel confused. Try to remember that one person’s opinion does not define you.

Can routines help me feel less anxious about mistakes?

Yes! Routines give you structure and help you know what to expect. If you feel safe in your routine, you may worry less about making mistakes.

Is it okay to ask for help when I feel overwhelmed?

Absolutely! Asking for help shows strength. You can talk to a friend, family member, or teacher. People want to support you.

Will I ever stop worrying about mistakes?

You might always worry a little, but you can learn ways to manage it. With practice and support, you will feel more confident and less afraid over time.