Why Autistic People Find It Hard to Move On from the Past

Have you ever wondered why autistic people struggle to “let things go”? Many autistic people find themselves thinking about the same thing repeatedly, wishing they could move on.

The reason why autistic people struggle to “let things go” is often linked to how their brains process emotions and memories.

Research shows that it can be more difficult for autistic individuals to manage their emotions, which can lead to intense feelings and make it challenging to forget negative experiences.

Anxiety can make these memories even more powerful. The table below highlights what research has discovered about why autistic people struggle to “let things go”:

Key Takeaways

• Autistic people often have trouble letting go of the past. This is because their brains process emotions and memories differently.
• Focusing on small details can make them think about bad things over and over. This makes it hard to move forward. Emotional dysregulation means feelings last longer and feel stronger. This makes forgetting past events harder.
• Anxiety and thinking the worst can make worries bigger. People may keep thinking about mistakes or fears from before. Coping skills like writing in a journal, mindfulness, and sensory tools can help lower stress. These things help with emotional health.
• Support from family, friends, and professionals is very important. It helps autistic people handle feelings and learn to let go.
• Being kind to yourself and seeing your own strengths can help you feel better. This can make it easier to move on. When others understand and accept you, it helps a lot. It makes autistic people feel less alone with their feelings.

Why Autistic People Struggle to Let Things Go: Brain and Memory

Brain Differences

Intense Focus

Your brain may work in a special way. Many autistic people can focus on one thing for a long time. This strong focus helps you learn new things or remember facts.

But it can also make it hard to stop thinking about things that upset you. If you think about something bad, your brain might replay it again and again. This is one reason why autistic people struggle to “let things go”.

Scientists found some parts of the autistic brain look and work differently. Here is a table that shows some differences:

These differences can make it easier to get stuck on thoughts or memories. You might think about the same thing for hours or days.

Detail Retention

You may remember details that other people forget. Your brain can hold onto small facts, sounds, or pictures from past events. This skill helps you in school or work.

But it can also make it hard to move on from bad experiences. When you remember every detail, it can feel like you are living the moment again.

Many autistic people experience rumination and perseveration. Rumination means you keep thinking about negative thoughts. Perseveration means you get stuck on certain topics or ideas. Both can make it hard to change your focus.

If you feel stuck on a thought, try writing it down. This can help you see it in a new way.

Memory and Emotional Recall

Vivid Memories

Your memories may feel very real and strong. Research shows autistic people often use recollection-based memory.

This means you remember things by picturing them in your mind. This process can make memories more vivid and harder to forget.

Some studies show autistic people have more trouble with short-term memory, especially when things are new or complex. But you may have a strong rote memory or remember pictures and patterns well. The table below compares memory in autistic and neurotypical people:

Difficulty Filtering Past Events

You may find it hard to let go of past events, especially if they were bad. Your brain may not filter out old memories as easily as others do. This can make you feel stuck in the past.

Research shows emotional recall works differently for autistic people. For example, one study found adults with autism did not get the same emotional boost from remembering happy or sad events as others did.

Another study found autistic people had trouble recalling negative emotional events compared to non-autistic people. This means you might not process or move past bad experiences in the same way.

Here is a summary of what some studies found:

Why autistic people struggle to “let things go” often comes from these brain and memory differences. You may find it hard to forget or move on, not because you want to hold on, but because your brain works in a unique way.

Letting Things Go: Emotional Regulation

Emotional Dysregulation

Heightened Responses

You might feel emotions more strongly than others. Emotional dysregulation means you react very strongly to things. When something upsets you, your feelings can last a long time. You may stay angry, sad, or anxious longer than most people.

Emotional dysregulation often starts when you are young. Parents say autistic kids use fewer helpful ways to handle feelings. They use more actions that do not fix the problem.

Here is a table showing how people handle emotions:

You may not use problem-solving or cognitive reappraisal much. You might use suppression or other actions that do not help you feel better. This makes it harder to let go of things that happened before.

Slow Return to Calm

After something stressful, you may stay upset for a long time. It can be hard to relax or feel calm again. Long stress responses keep your brain alert. This makes it tough to forget what happened and move forward.

You may notice you think about past events a lot. Rumination means you keep thinking about something over and over. This can make you feel stuck and unable to move on.

• Emotional dysregulation causes strong emotional reactions.
• Long stress responses keep your brain stressed.
• Thinking about past events makes it hard to move forward.

Anxiety and Catastrophic Thinking

Rumination

You may worry a lot and feel anxious often. Your mind might replay old events and imagine bad things happening. This cycle is called rumination.

You think about the same problem or mistake again and again. This makes it hard to let go and can make you feel more stressed.

Catastrophic thinking often happens with rumination. You may expect the worst outcome in many situations. This can make you feel hopeless or very anxious.

Perseveration

Perseveration means you get stuck on certain thoughts or worries. It can be hard to change your focus to something else. Catastrophic thinking is common for autistic people. It causes constant worry and rumination. This can hurt your emotional health and make you feel alone.

If you notice you are perseverating, try to take a break. You can also talk to someone you trust. Getting support can help you feel less alone.

• Catastrophic thinking is common for autistic people.
• Constant worry and rumination can make anxiety and hopelessness worse.
• Without support, you may feel left out or alone.

Autistic people often struggle to “let things go” because of these patterns. Emotional dysregulation, anxiety, and catastrophic thinking make it hard to move on. Your brain holds onto strong feelings and worries.

Coping Mechanisms and Practice

Holding On as a Coping Strategy

Objects and Thoughts

You might keep special things or memories from your past. These can help you feel safe and in control. Many autistic people use favorite items to feel better when stressed.

You may think about old memories to understand what happened. Sometimes, this helps you avoid feeling nervous about new things.

Holding on to past events can help you deal with fear or worry. For example, you might not want to drive after a car accident. You could feel nervous around people because of bullying. These memories affect how you act in new situations. You may act more carefully because of what happened before.

If you get stuck on a thought, try using a sensory tool. A stress ball or fidget can help you focus on now and feel calmer.

Managing Stress

There are ways to handle stress and repeating thoughts. Here are some ways autistic people cope:

• Write down what makes you anxious in a journal.
• Take breaks and do fun things to rest.
• Make a quiet space or use headphones to block noise.
• Give yourself space and lower your goals when overwhelmed.
• Use sensory tools like weighted blankets or deep breathing to relax.
• Try calming activities like meditation or yoga.
• Use a visual schedule or routine to make your day predictable.

Breaking big worries into small steps can help. This makes problems feel easier to handle.

Emotional Maturity and Practice

Individual Differences

Everyone grows emotionally at their own speed. You might find it hard to know or handle your feelings. Many autistic people have trouble knowing what they feel or how others feel. This can make it harder to move on from things that happened before.

You might need more time or help to work through your feelings. This is normal and does not mean you are wrong.

Need for Support

You do not have to do everything by yourself. Help from family, friends, or professionals can really help. People who listen and care make you feel understood.

You may feel better with sensory breaks, routines, or mindfulness. Trying new things, like puzzles or games, can help you practice letting go.

Why autistic people find it hard to “let things go” is often linked to coping skills and support. With practice and help, you can learn new ways to handle your thoughts and feelings.

Real-Life Examples

School and Work

Challenges with Change

You may find changes at school or work very hard. For example, you might walk into a classroom with bright fluorescent lights and loud noises. These sensory issues can make it tough to focus.

You may feel so uncomfortable that you want to avoid school. Some students even stop going to class because the environment feels overwhelming.

When teachers or classmates do not understand, you might get labeled as lazy or unmotivated. This can hurt your confidence and make you remember these moments for a long time.

• You may feel anxious when your routine changes, like a new teacher or a different desk.
• You might worry about making mistakes because you remember how it felt to be misunderstood.
• You could avoid new situations to protect yourself from feeling upset again.

Navigating Mistakes

Mistakes at school or work can feel much bigger for you. If you answer a question wrong in class, you might replay that moment in your mind for days. You may worry that others think less of you.

Sometimes, you remember being called names or being bullied. Research shows that almost half of autistic teens experience bullying. These memories can make it hard to trust others or try new things.

• You may feel regret about things you did not understand at the time.
• You might blame yourself for things that happened before you knew you were autistic.
• You may find it hard to move on from negative feedback or criticism.

Social Interactions

Misunderstandings

Social situations can bring many challenges. You might say something that others do not understand. Non-autistic people may misread your emotions or think you are upset when you are not. This can lead to arguments or hurt feelings. You may find it hard to let go of these moments, especially if you do not know what went wrong.

• You may replay conversations in your head, trying to figure out what happened.
• You might avoid certain people because you worry about making the same mistake.
• You may feel lonely if others do not try to understand you.

People communicate better when they share similar experiences. You may find it easier to talk with other autistic people because they understand you better.

Family Dynamics

Family life can also be tricky. Parents or siblings may not always understand your needs. You might feel misunderstood if your family expects you to “just get over” things.

This can make you hold onto past arguments or hurtful words. You may need more time to process your feelings and move forward.

• You may remember family conflicts for a long time.
• You might need support from someone who listens and tries to understand.
• You may find comfort in routines or special objects at home.

Why autistic people struggle to “let things go” often comes from these real-life experiences. You may hold onto memories because they help you make sense of the world. With understanding and support, you can learn ways to cope and move forward.

Relationships and Self-Esteem

Impact on Relationships

Miscommunication

You may find it hard to understand what others mean in conversations. Sometimes, you miss subtle hints or body language. This can lead to confusion or hurt feelings.

You might say something that sounds fine to you, but others take it the wrong way. When this happens, you may feel embarrassed or frustrated.

Many autistic people struggle to move on from past relationships. You might think about old friendships or breakups for a long time. These memories can feel overwhelming. You may find it hard to trust new people because you remember how things ended before.

• You may miss subtle signals from partners or friends.
• Breakups can feel sudden and confusing.
• Changes to your daily routine after a breakup can drain your energy.
• Difficulty moving on can make it hard to form new connections.

You may need extra time to process what happened. Support from friends, family, or professionals can help you understand and cope with these feelings.

Conflict Resolution

When you have a disagreement, you may find it hard to let go of what was said. You might replay arguments in your mind, trying to figure out what went wrong. This can make it hard to move forward and fix the relationship.

Try to talk openly about your feelings. If you do not understand why someone is upset, ask them to explain. This can help clear up confusion and prevent future problems.

Self-reflection helps you set healthy boundaries. Taking care of your emotional well-being gives you the strength to handle conflicts better. You can also build a solid foundation for future relationships by recognizing your needs and values.

Self-Esteem

Internalizing Criticism

You may take criticism very personally. When someone says something negative, you might feel shame, anger, or sadness. This happens because your brain reacts strongly to rejection.

You may remember times when people bullied you or left you out. These memories can make you feel even more sensitive to criticism.

Internalizing criticism can lead to ongoing emotional distress. You might feel like you are not good enough. You may worry that others will reject you again. These feelings can last a long time and make it hard to feel confident.

Self-Compassion

You can learn to be kinder to yourself. Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same care you would give a friend. When you make a mistake, remind yourself that everyone does. You do not have to be perfect.

Here are some ways to practice self-compassion:

• Write down positive things about yourself.
• Take breaks when you feel overwhelmed.
• Do activities that make you happy.
• Talk to someone you trust about your feelings.

Taking care of yourself is important. Engaging in self-care activities helps you feel better and build confidence.

You can build self-esteem by recognizing your strengths and values. Support from others can help you see your worth. Over time, you can learn to move on from the past and focus on your growth.

Strategies for Support

It can be tough to move on from the past. You can learn ways to help yourself. These tools make it easier to handle feelings and thoughts. You can also ask people you trust for help.

For Autistic Individuals

Mindfulness

Mindfulness means focusing on what is happening now. You notice your thoughts and feelings but do not judge them. This can help you feel calm in your mind and body.

Many autistic people use mindfulness to handle stress and let go of past things. You can try breathing slowly or listen to soft sounds. Yoga and tai chi can help your body relax too.

Try this: Sit still and pay attention to your breath for one minute. If your mind drifts, gently bring it back to your breathing.

Here are some ways to help you with stress and emotions:

Journaling

Journaling lets you write about your thoughts and feelings. Many autistic people use journals to work through emotions and think about their day.

Writing can help you see patterns in your thinking. You may notice what makes you stressed or what helps you feel better. Journaling can also help you feel happier and set goals.

• Journaling helps you handle stress and work through emotions.
• Writing and reading your entries shows how your thoughts change.
• You can use your journal to learn about your values and who you are.

Tip: Try writing for five minutes every day. Do not worry about spelling or grammar. Just write what you think.

For Supporters

Active Listening

If you help someone who is autistic, listening is important. Pay close attention when they talk. Let them share their feelings without stopping them. Show you care by nodding or using kind words. Clear and honest talking helps build trust.

• Being there helps lower feelings of being alone and anxious.
• Give comfort during hard times.
• Use coping skills that helped before.

Encouraging Boundaries

Respecting boundaries helps autistic people feel safe. Offer choices for ways to cope and activities. Let them help plan for changes. Prepare them for new places, especially if there are sensory problems.

Your help can make a big difference. Speak up for their needs and help them find doctors who know about autism.

You can help by talking clearly, giving emotional support, and letting them help make decisions. These actions show respect and help them feel understood.

Seeking Professional Help

When to Seek Support

Signs of Distress

You might see signs that show you need more help. These signs can make daily life harder. They can also stop you from moving forward. If you notice these changes, it is good to ask for support:

• You feel more anxious than before.
• You stay away from people more often.
• Daily tasks become harder to do.
• Your senses feel stronger or more sensitive.
• Talking or using language gets tougher.
• You have meltdowns more often.
• You spend more time alone than usual.

You may also find social times, sensory issues, or talking with others harder. These signs mean talking to a professional could help you.

If you feel stuck or too stressed, asking for help is a brave and smart choice.

Therapy Options

Therapy can teach you ways to handle your feelings and thoughts. You can try different types to see what helps you most. Here are some choices that help many autistic people:

• Coping strategies like counting to ten, taking breaks, or doing calm activities can help you control anger and stop rumination.
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps you change negative thoughts. CBT can help you stop thinking about bad memories over and over.
• Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) teaches mindfulness and how to handle emotions. DBT gives you tools for strong feelings.
• Learning about emotions helps you know what you feel. You can use pictures or cards to show your feelings.
• DBT skills groups teach you how to handle stress and emotions. These groups help you manage anger and other hard feelings.

You can talk to a therapist to find out what fits you best. Therapy is a safe place to share feelings and learn new skills.

Resources

Autism-Specific Services

There are services made for autistic people. These services help you and your family learn how to handle feelings and memories. The table below shows how these services work:

Autism-specific services teach you and your family to work as a team. You learn to handle triggers and understand your feelings better.

Community Groups

Community groups are places where you can meet others who get what you go through. You can share stories, learn new ways to cope, and get support. These groups help you feel less alone and more sure of yourself.

• Local autism groups often have support meetings.
• Online forums and social media groups connect you with people everywhere.
• Peer-led groups give advice and friendship.

Note: Joining a community group can help you make friends and learn from others who have the same challenges.

Getting professional help gives you tools to move forward. You can find support, learn new things, and feel better about your emotions.

It can be tough for you to stop thinking about the past. Many autistic people have trouble letting go because of how they show feelings, think about things, and keep thinking about the same worries. Getting help, kindness, and useful support can make things better.

• Accept different ways people show they care.
• Question unfair ideas and be proud of neurodiversity.
• Pay attention to what autistic people say and help them get fair chances.
  You can help by speaking up for acceptance and learning more about autism.

FAQ

Why do you remember negative events so clearly?

Your brain may focus on details and strong feelings. This makes memories feel very real. You might replay these moments in your mind, which makes them hard to forget.

Can you learn to let go of the past?

Yes, you can practice new skills. Mindfulness, journaling, and talking to someone you trust can help. Over time, you may find it easier to move forward.

Does everyone with autism struggle to move on?

No, everyone is different. Some autistic people move on quickly. Others need more time. Your experience is unique and valid.

How can you help yourself stop thinking about the past?

Try deep breathing, writing in a journal, or using a sensory tool. These actions can help you focus on the present and feel calmer.

Why do you feel anxious about new situations?

You may remember past events that were hard or scary. These memories can make you worry about what might happen next.

What should you do if you feel stuck?

You can talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Asking for help shows strength. You do not have to handle everything alone.

How can family and friends support you?

• Listen without judging.
• Offer comfort and patience.
• Help you create routines.
• Encourage you to use coping skills.

Will these feelings last forever?

Feelings can change with time, support, and practice. You can learn new ways to cope. Many people find hope and healing as they grow.