Autism and Separation Anxiety – Tips to Make Goodbyes Easier

Last Updated on August 13, 2025 by John Hookway

You may feel stressed when your loved one has separation anxiety. Many people with autism feel this way.

Changes in routine or being away from someone important can cause big feelings. You want to help, but you may not know what to do first.

Key Takeaways

• Separation anxiety means feeling scared or worried when away from someone trusted. It can be harder for people with autism.
• Watch for signs like tantrums, clinginess, trouble sleeping, or feeling sick. These signs help you notice separation anxiety early.
• Sensory sensitivities and changes in routine can cause separation anxiety in autistic people.
• Making daily routines, using visual supports, and practicing short separations can lower anxiety at home.
• Giving praise and using calming strategies like deep breathing help people feel braver during separations.
• Therapies like ABA, CBT, exposure therapy, and occupational therapy give good support for each person’s needs.
• Families and caregivers help a lot by keeping routines, talking clearly, and getting professional help when needed.
• Getting help early and working with professionals and support groups helps people cope better and become more independent over time.

Separation Anxiety in Autism

Separation anxiety is when you feel very scared or worried if you are away from someone important, like a parent or caregiver. Experts say it is more than just missing someone.

It is a real anxiety disorder. You might feel afraid to be alone. You could have trouble sleeping. Sometimes you might get headaches or stomachaches. These feelings can last for weeks or longer.

Some people get separation anxiety as kids, but adults can have it too. If you have autism, these feelings can be even stronger and harder to handle.

If being apart from someone you trust makes you feel very upset or sick, you might have separation anxiety.

Signs and Symptoms

You may want to know how to spot separation anxiety in yourself or someone you care about. Here are some common signs:

• Meltdowns or tantrums when someone leaves
• Clinginess or not wanting to let go of a caregiver
• Avoiding places or things that mean being apart
• Trouble sleeping or nightmares about being separated
• Feeling very anxious, scared, or upset about being apart
• Physical problems like headaches or stomachaches
• Hard time focusing or paying attention
• Wanting to stay close to one person all the time

These signs can make daily life hard. Going to school, work, or even running errands can feel too much. Research shows about 14% of autistic children with anxiety have separation anxiety. So you are not alone if you feel this way.

How It Differs in Autism

Separation anxiety can look different in people with autism. The feelings might be much stronger or happen more often than in others.

Many autistic people need routines and familiar faces to feel safe. When things change, or you have to be apart from someone you trust, it can feel overwhelming.

You might have a meltdown, refuse to leave the house, or shut down. Some people get very quiet, while others might act out or get aggressive.

Communication can be tough. You might not have the words to explain your feelings, so your anxiety shows in your actions. Sensory sensitivities can make things worse.

Loud noises or new places can add stress when you already feel anxious about being apart. Because of these differences, separation anxiety in autism often needs special support and understanding.

Causes and Triggers

Sensory Sensitivities

Some sounds, lights, or touches might feel much stronger to you. This is called sensory sensitivity. Many autistic people deal with this every day.

If you walk into a loud room or get touched by surprise, your body can react fast. You may feel unsafe or overwhelmed, even if others do not.

Research shows sensory sensitivities can make separation anxiety worse. Loud noises or bright lights can make you feel nervous. Being away from someone you trust can feel scarier.

Studies found young autistic children with strong sensory reactions often get separation anxiety. Sensory overload can make new places or changes feel too hard. You might want to stay close to someone who helps you feel safe.

Try headphones, sunglasses, or fidget toys to help with sensory overload when you are apart from your trusted person.

Need for Routine

You may feel calm when you know what will happen next. Many autistic people need routines to feel safe. When your day follows a pattern, you know what to expect.

This helps lower your anxiety. But if your routine changes, you might feel stressed. Even small changes, like a new breakfast or bus driver, can upset you.

If you do not know what will happen, you may feel anxious. This stress can show up as separation anxiety. You might worry more about being away from your caregiver when things change.

Changes that can trigger separation anxiety:

• A new morning routine
• Substitute teachers at school
• Unplanned events or trips
• Different people picking you up

When routines break, your brain may start to worry. You might cling to someone you trust or not want to leave home. Using visual schedules, social stories, or goodbye rituals can help you feel safer.

Communication Challenges

It can be hard to talk about your feelings. If you have trouble with words, you may not know how to say you are scared. This can make separation anxiety stronger.

You might act out, shut down, or have a meltdown instead of talking. Communication challenges also make it hard to know what will happen next.

If you do not know when someone will return, your anxiety can grow. Sensory issues can make this even harder, since you may already feel overwhelmed.

Picture cards, simple schedules, or goodbye routines can help you share your feelings and know what to expect. Therapies like ABA and CBT can teach you ways to cope and feel more confident when you have to be apart.

Knowing these triggers can help you and your loved ones find better ways to manage separation anxiety. When you know what causes your worries, you can start to build strategies that work for you.

Impact on Daily Life

Children

Separation anxiety makes life hard for autistic children. Your child may have trouble being away from you or someone they trust. This anxiety can show up in many ways. They might cry, have tantrums, or melt down when you leave. Some children cling to you and do not want to let go.

Others avoid school or activities. They may say their stomach or head hurts. Sleeping alone can be hard, and they may have nightmares. Some children pull away from friends or family. It can also be tough to focus at school.

These problems can hurt your child’s learning and friendships. If anxiety is not treated, it can slow emotional growth. Your child may not feel confident or independent.

Early help is important. Routines, visual schedules, and short practice times apart can help your child learn to cope. Working with therapists can teach your child how to handle feelings and be more independent.

Practice short times apart at home. Use a timer or visual schedule so your child knows when you will come back.

Adults

If you are an autistic adult, separation anxiety can make work and friendships hard. You may want to stay close to home or certain people.

This fear can make it tough to go to work or social events. Even running errands can feel scary. You might worry about not understanding social cues. This can make you feel lonely or upset in relationships.

You may like routines and knowing what will happen. When plans change or new things happen, your anxiety can get worse.

This stress can make you avoid things or stay alone. Supportive places and therapy, like CBT or ABA, can help you learn ways to cope. These tools make it easier to handle changes and make friends.

Families and Caregivers

Helping someone with separation anxiety is hard for families and caregivers. You may need to handle strong feelings, like outbursts or pulling away.

Sometimes it is hard to know if your loved one is upset by loud sounds or by being apart. Keeping routines the same takes work, but it helps everyone feel safe.

You might need to:

• Keep routines but also be ready for changes
• Use clear ways to talk, like picture cards or schedules
• Get ready for changes with small steps
• Ask for help from professionals when needed

How you handle stress as a caregiver affects your family. Good ways to cope, like working together and talking openly, make things better.

Not asking for help can make things worse. Using steps like planning, slow practice, and therapy helps your loved one and your family do well.

Managing Separation Anxiety at Home

Routines and Preparation

You can make daily life easier by building strong routines. Predictable routines help you and your loved one feel safe. Start by setting up a daily schedule.

Use clear times for meals, learning, play, and bedtime. When you follow the same pattern each day, you lower stress and help your child know what comes next.

Here are some steps you can try:

• Set up a simple daily schedule. Write it down or use pictures.
• Keep meal times, play times, and bedtime at the same hour each day.
• Prepare your child for changes. Talk about what will happen before you leave or before something new starts.
• Use social stories or short stories to explain transitions. These stories show what to expect and how to act.
• Practice short separations at home. Start with a few minutes and slowly increase the time.
• Play games like hide-and-seek to teach your child that you always come back.

If your child feels nervous about a new event, talk about it ahead of time. Use simple words or pictures to show what will happen.

You can tailor routines to your child’s needs. Some children do best with visual schedules. Others need comfort objects or simple words.

When you use routines and preparation, you help your child build confidence and reduce separation anxiety.

Visual Supports

Visual supports make life more predictable. They help your child understand what will happen next. You can use pictures, charts, or checklists to show daily activities.

Visual schedules work well for children who need structure. These tools lower stress and help your child feel safe during transitions.

Try these visual supports at home:

• Visual schedules: Use pictures or icons to show each step of the day.
• Social stories: Create short stories with pictures to explain new events or changes.
• Choice boards: Let your child pick between two activities using pictures.
• Visual timers: Show how much time is left before you return or before an activity ends.
• Checklists: Use simple lists with pictures to help your child complete tasks.

Visual supports help your child feel more independent. They also make it easier to handle changes and lower anxiety.

You can use visual supports with routines. When you combine both, you create a safe and predictable environment. This helps your child manage separation anxiety and feel more confident.

Gradual Exposure

Gradual exposure means you help your child get used to being apart from you in small steps. You start with short separations and slowly make them longer. This method builds confidence and helps your child learn that being apart is safe.

Follow these steps for gradual exposure:

1. List situations that cause anxiety, from easiest to hardest. For example, being in another room, staying with a grandparent, or going to school.
2. Start with the least stressful situation. Stay apart for a few minutes.
3. Use comfort objects or favorite toys during separations.
4. Praise your child for brave behavior. Give small rewards or hugs.
5. Slowly increase the time apart as your child feels more comfortable.
6. Practice relaxation techniques like deep breathing before and after separations.
7. Use play therapy or role-playing to act out separation scenarios.

Go slow and watch your child’s reactions. If your child feels overwhelmed, return to shorter separations and try again later.

You can work with a therapist to create a plan that fits your child’s needs. Gradual exposure helps your child build resilience and lowers separation anxiety over time.

Positive Reinforcement

You can help your child feel brave about being apart. Use positive reinforcement to do this. This means you notice and reward good actions.

When your child faces their fears, praise them. Show your child that you see their effort. Let them know you are proud. This helps your child feel more confident. It also makes it easier for them to try again.

Here are some ways to use positive reinforcement at home:

• Praise your child when they act brave during separations. Say things like, “I’m proud of you for staying calm while I was gone.”
• Give small rewards for handling time apart. This could be a favorite snack, sticker, or extra playtime.
• Let your child pick a fun activity after a good separation. Maybe they get to choose the next game or story.
• Use games and fun activities to practice being apart. Celebrate each small step with kind words.
• Give hugs, high-fives, or a special handshake as a reward for trying.

Be clear with your praise. Instead of just saying “Good job,” try “You did a great job waiting for me to come back!”

Positive reinforcement works best when you use it right away. Notice even the smallest steps your child takes. Over time, your child will feel more confident and less anxious about being apart.

Calming Strategies

You can teach your child calming strategies to help with separation anxiety. These tools help your child feel safe and in control.

They work even when you are not there. Many families use routines, comfort items, and relaxation techniques together.

Here is a table of calming strategies you can try at home:

You can also try calming techniques like deep breathing or squeezing a stress ball. Sitting in a quiet, cozy space can help too. Some children like soft music or a weighted blanket. Find what helps your child feel calm and safe.

Practice these calming strategies when your child feels relaxed. This way, they will know what to do when they start to feel anxious.

When you use positive reinforcement and calming strategies together, you give your child tools to face separations. Every small step counts. Your support makes a big difference.

Professional Support and Therapies

ABA Therapy

Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapy is one of the most common ways to help with separation anxiety in autism.

You might hear about ABA if you talk to therapists or teachers. ABA uses step-by-step plans to teach new skills and change behaviors. If you or your child struggles with being apart, ABA can help you feel safer and more confident.

Here’s how ABA therapy can support you:

• A therapist works with you to understand what triggers your anxiety.
• You practice short separations in a safe space. The therapist helps you start with easy steps, like being in another room for a few minutes.
• You use visual schedules to know what will happen next. This makes separations less scary.
• You learn calming skills, such as deep breathing or squeezing a stress ball.
• The therapist gives you praise or small rewards when you handle time apart. This helps you feel proud and want to try again.
• Your therapy plan is made just for you. The therapist talks with your family to make sure the plan fits your needs.

If you want to try ABA, look for a therapist who has experience with autism and anxiety. Ask them how they will help you practice separations and build confidence.

ABA therapy works best when you practice often. You can use the same steps at home, school, or in the community. Over time, you will notice that being apart gets easier.

CBT Approaches

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is another helpful way to manage separation anxiety. CBT teaches you how to notice your thoughts and feelings.

You learn how to change unhelpful thoughts and practice new ways to cope. Many autistic children and teens have used CBT to lower their anxiety.

CBT programs for autism often include:

• Visual schedules and hands-on activities to make learning easier.
• Step-by-step practice with separations, starting with small challenges.
• Group sessions where you can learn with others and share ideas.
• Support for parents, so they can help you at home.
• Calming techniques, like deep breathing or using a comfort object.

Programs like “Facing Your Fears” (FYF) use CBT in a group setting. You work with a therapist and other kids your age.

You practice skills together and get support from your family. Studies show that children who join these programs feel less anxious after finishing. School-based CBT programs, like FYF-SB, also help students feel better at school.

CBT works well for many autistic children and teens, especially those who can talk about their feelings. If you want to try CBT, ask your school counselor or doctor for a referral.

CBT is flexible. Therapists can change the program to fit your needs. You can use CBT skills at home, school, or anywhere you feel anxious.

Exposure Therapy

Exposure therapy is a special part of CBT. It helps you face your fears in small, safe steps. If you feel scared to be apart from someone, exposure therapy can help you practice being alone for short times. You start with easy steps and slowly work up to harder ones.

Here’s how you can use exposure therapy:

1. Make a list of situations that make you anxious, from easiest to hardest.
2. Start with the easiest step. For example, spend a few minutes in a different room from your caregiver.
3. Use calming skills, like deep breathing, before and after each step.
4. Practice each step until it feels easier. Then move to the next step on your list.
5. Celebrate your progress with praise or a small reward.

Therapists often use visual aids and break down each step to make things clear. Parents can help by practicing with you and giving encouragement.

Even though there is not a lot of research on exposure therapy alone for separation anxiety in autism, experts agree that it works well as part of CBT.

Go slow and be patient with yourself. If a step feels too hard, go back to an easier one and try again later.

Exposure therapy helps you build confidence. Each small success makes the next step easier. Over time, you will feel less anxious about being apart.

Occupational Therapy

Occupational therapy (OT) can really help if you or your child has trouble with separation anxiety and autism. Sometimes, loud sounds or strong feelings make being apart harder. OT helps you deal with these problems in a safe way.

Your therapist learns about what bothers your senses and how your day goes. They use games, sensory play, and ways to relax to help you feel better.

You might play hide-and-seek or act out different situations. These activities show you how to handle being away from someone you trust.

Here are some ways OT helps with separation anxiety:

• You can practice being apart by playing games or acting out stories.
• Having a set routine makes changes less scary.
• Learning daily skills helps you feel more sure of yourself.
• Pictures and stories help you know what will happen next.
• Therapists use easy words and pick ideas that fit you best.
• Rewards and slow practice help you face your fears little by little.

Your therapist may use a table like this to keep track and plan:

OT also helps your family learn what to do at home. Therapists teach your caregivers how to use routines, pictures, and calming tricks.

You all learn together, so everyone feels better. Over time, you may notice you handle sounds better, talk to others more, and do more things by yourself. Many families say OT makes life better and helps kids feel braver about being apart.

Ask your OT to show you ways to calm down when you feel worried. Practice these together until they are easy for you.

When to Seek Help

You might wonder when you should ask for help from a professional. Separation anxiety can feel like too much, but you do not have to fix it alone.

Here is how you know it is time to get help:

1. Find a mental health expert who knows about both autism and anxiety. They can tell the difference between autism and anxiety.
2. Ask your doctor to use special tools, like the DSM-5, to help figure things out.
3. Make sure your check-up includes what you say, what your family says, and what the doctor sees. This gives a full picture.
4. Work with a team of helpers—doctors, therapists, nurses, and others—who look at all parts of your life.
5. Expect a long talk about your feelings, what you do, and how separation anxiety changes your day.
6. Ask your doctor to check for other types of anxiety or problems. Some problems look the same, so checking is important.
7. Share your own story. Your words help doctors not make mistakes, especially if you have other problems like depression or ADD.
8. Talk about how you grew up. Your doctor may use different tools to learn what you need.
9. Use autism groups and support teams to find doctors who know about autism and separation anxiety.

If separation anxiety keeps you from going to school, work, or having fun, it is time to get help. You might have meltdowns, trouble sleeping, or feel sick like headaches. These signs mean you need more support.

You do not have to wait until things are really bad. Getting help early works better. Ask your doctor, school counselor, or a local autism group to start getting help.

Getting help is a brave thing to do. You and your family can work with helpers to find what works for you. With the right support, you can handle separation anxiety and feel stronger every day.

Individualized Approaches

Unique Needs

Every person with autism is different. What helps one person may not help another. To support someone with separation anxiety, you need to look at what they need.

Here are some ways to do this:

1. Try using video modeling, social stories, or visual schedules. These tools make life feel more predictable and help lower anxiety.

2. Make a sensory plan. Add regular sensory activities and quiet time to help with sensory needs.

3. Use deep touch pressure, like weighted blankets or tight clothes, to help calm down.

4. Watch for signs your loved one is upset. Step in early if you see them getting anxious.

5. Create safe, quiet spaces at home or school. These spots help your loved one calm down when things get stressful.

6. Bring a sensory kit with you. Pack headphones, fidget toys, or sunglasses for trips.

7. Use special technology if your loved one needs help talking about feelings.

8. Teach self-soothing skills like deep breathing or counting.

9. Try therapies like CBT or Exposure Therapy if they fit your child’s needs.

10. Keep fidget toys close to help with anxious or repetitive actions.

You can use these ideas in any order. Try different things to see what helps your loved one feel safe and calm.

Collaboration with Professionals

You do not have to do this by yourself. Working with people who know about autism can really help. Therapists and other helpers can make a plan that fits your child’s needs.

They show you how to use therapies like CBT and ABA. These therapies teach ways to handle feelings and cope with separation anxiety. When you work together, your child learns how to deal with big feelings and being apart.

Professionals also teach you about gradual separation, mindfulness, and role-playing. They help you change routines and support your child at home and school.

Teachers, therapists, and caregivers all help. When everyone works together, your child feels more supported and confident. This teamwork helps your child grow and become more independent.

Ask questions and share what you see at home. Your ideas help professionals make better plans for your child.

Adjusting Strategies

What works today might not work tomorrow. That is okay. You need to change your strategies as your child grows and changes.

Here are some ways to stay flexible: Change your plan as you learn more about what upsets your child. Use gradual exposure to help your child get used to being apart. Work with therapists and teachers. Share updates so everyone knows what is happening. Update visual supports and social stories as your child’s needs change. Praise good behavior and celebrate small steps. Try new tools, like apps, to track progress and change routines quickly. Stay involved as a caregiver. Your support helps your child feel safe.

You can help your child by watching for changes and trying new things. When you adjust your strategies, you give your loved one the best chance to feel less anxious about being apart.

Progress takes time. Be patient and keep trying new ideas. Your support and flexibility help your loved one the most.

There are lots of ways to help with separation anxiety in autism. You can use routines, pictures, and calming items. Try short times apart and give rewards for being brave. Therapies like CBT and ABA can really help.

• Routines and social stories help keep things the same.
• Sensory items and quiet spots help you feel safe.
• Get help from teachers, therapists, and family.

It takes time to get better, but you are not by yourself. Every small step is important. You and your family can work on this together!

FAQ

What can you do if your child refuses to go to school because of separation anxiety?

Start with short practice separations at home. Use a visual schedule to show when you will return. Praise your child for small steps. Talk to teachers about extra support. Try to keep drop-offs calm and quick.

How do you help an autistic adult manage separation anxiety at work?

Create a daily routine. Use reminders or visual cues for breaks. Bring comfort items, like a favorite pen or stress ball. Practice short times apart from coworkers. Ask for support from a supervisor if needed.

Can sensory tools really help with separation anxiety?

Yes! Sensory tools like headphones, fidget toys, or weighted blankets can help you feel calm. Try different items to see what works best. Keep your favorite tool nearby during separations.

What should you do if routines suddenly change?

Prepare as much as you can. Use a social story or pictures to explain the change. Offer extra comfort and praise. Give your child time to adjust. Stay calm and patient.

How do you know when to seek professional help?

If separation anxiety stops you from going to school, work, or having fun, reach out to a doctor or therapist. Look for signs like meltdowns, trouble sleeping, or feeling sick when apart.

Are there quick calming strategies you can use before a separation?

Try deep breathing, squeezing a stress ball, or listening to soft music. Use a goodbye ritual, like a special wave or handshake. These steps help you feel safe and ready.

How can you make goodbyes easier for your child?

Keep goodbyes short and positive. Use the same words or actions each time, like “See you soon!” or a hug. Remind your child when you will return. Praise them for being brave.

What if your child’s anxiety gets worse even with these tips?

Go back to shorter separations. Use more visual supports and calming tools. Talk to your child’s therapist or doctor for new ideas. Remember, progress takes time. Celebrate every small step.