What Emotional Regulation Means for People with Autism

Last Updated on July 22, 2025 by John Hookway

Emotional regulation for autism means handling feelings like anger, sadness, or anxiety in helpful ways. Many autistic people feel emotions more deeply.

They may have meltdowns, shutdowns, or mood swings when things change fast or noises are loud. Studies show emotional regulation problems are more common and serious in autistic people than in neurotypical peers.

These problems can hurt friendships, learning, and happiness. Support and understanding are very important.

Importance

Daily Life

Emotional regulation for autism affects how people deal with daily life. Many autistic people feel strong emotions when things change or surprise them. This can make routines hard to follow. Researchers found some things that make daily life harder:

• Autistic people often feel emotions more strongly and may have trouble with feelings like anger or worry.
• They might not use the best ways to handle emotions because it is hard to change their thinking or see things from another person’s view.
• Loud sounds or bright lights can make it harder for them to stay calm.
• Their bodies may react differently, like with changes in heart rate.
• Brain scans show autistic people may have trouble knowing and controlling their feelings.
• If they cannot manage emotions well, they may have more behavior problems and need more help from mental health services.
• Experts say learning new ways to handle stress and emotions can help with daily life.

Autistic teens and young adults often feel more stress than others. They may react more to stress and have a hard time stopping negative thoughts.

These problems can make them feel worse and cause more mental health issues. Learning to manage stress and emotions can help them do better each day.

Relationships

Good emotional regulation helps autistic people make and keep friends. When someone can notice and handle their feelings, it is easier to connect with others.

Studies show that teaching these skills can lower problem behaviors and help with social skills. These skills help autistic people understand their feelings and use ways to cope, which is important for making friends and working with others.

Getting help from family, teachers, and therapists helps build these skills. Using pictures, calming routines, and therapies like CBT and mindfulness can help a lot. When autistic people learn to handle their feelings, they become stronger and can join social activities with more confidence.

• Trouble with emotional regulation can cause meltdowns or pulling away, which can hurt friendships.
• Learning these skills helps with mental health, social skills, and being more independent.
• Working together at home, school, and in therapy helps autistic people do better with friends.

Well-Being

Emotional regulation for autism is important for mental health and feeling good. Many autistic people have trouble knowing and handling their feelings, which can lead to more anxiety and depression.

Studies show these problems can cause behavior issues and make it harder to do well in school or with friends. Brain research shows autistic people process feelings differently, which makes it harder to manage emotions.

Being kind to yourself, or self-compassion, helps with emotional regulation and lowers mental health problems. Programs that teach self-compassion and emotional regulation can help people feel better and have less anxiety and depression.

Challenges

Identifying Emotions

Many autistic people have trouble knowing their feelings. This problem often starts with alexithymia. Alexithymia means someone cannot easily tell or talk about their emotions.

About half of autistic people have alexithymia. It is hard for them to know if they feel sad, angry, or worried. These problems can last a long time. They can cause more anxiety, depression, and trouble talking with others.

Alexithymia

Alexithymia means it is hard to notice and talk about feelings. Autistic people with alexithymia may not know they are upset until it feels very strong.

This can cause sudden meltdowns or shutdowns. Studies show autistic girls have alexithymia more than boys. This makes it hard to ask for help or say what is wrong.

Emotional Vocabulary

Learning words for feelings helps autistic people name emotions. Many find it hard to match words to how they feel. Tools like emotion charts or journals can help with this.

Mindfulness, like body scans or breathing, links body feelings to emotions. Social skills training, like role-playing or reading faces, helps too. Caregivers can show how to talk about feelings and support open talks.

Sensory Processing

Autistic people often sense things in different ways. Small changes, like a new sound or bright light, can feel too much. These sensory differences make emotional regulation harder.

Overload

Sensory overload happens when too much comes in at once. Loud noises, strong smells, or crowds can cause stress. When this happens, emotions can get very strong. It can be hard to stay calm. Research shows sensory over-responsivity links to more anxiety and trouble with emotions.

Triggers

Triggers are things that cause strong emotions. For autistic people, triggers can be small changes, surprises, or certain sensory things.

Their bodies may react with faster heartbeats or more stress. Brain differences, like changes in the amygdala and prefrontal cortex, also affect how they handle emotions and stress.

Communication

Communication differences make things harder. Many autistic people have trouble showing feelings with words or body language. This can cause misunderstandings and emotional pain.

Nonverbal Differences

Autistic people may not use usual faces, gestures, or voices. Others might not understand their feelings or think they do not care. These differences make it hard to connect and get help.

Social Confusion

Social situations can be confusing. Autistic people may not know how to share feelings or may not understand others’ emotions. This can cause frustration or pulling away.

Experts say to use clear words, shared symbols, and regular check-ins to help. Practicing listening and direct talk can build understanding and strength.

Emotional regulation in autism involves both mind and body. Brain structure, heart rate, and stress responses all matter. Each person is different, and support should fit their needs.

Emotional Regulation for Autism

Emotional regulation for autism means handling strong feelings and changing actions when emotions are high.

Many autistic people feel emotions very strongly. It can be hard for them to calm down after stress or worry. This process has a few steps.

First, they need to notice their feelings. Next, they watch how their feelings change. Then, they learn to tell feelings apart from thoughts.

Recognizing Emotions

The first step is to notice feelings. Many autistic people find it hard to know or name their feelings. This is often because of alexithymia, which means trouble understanding and talking about feelings.

Knowing your own feelings is important to handle them. Studies show that if autistic people cannot notice their feelings, they may feel more sad or worried. This problem can get worse in the teen years, especially if they do not spend time with others.

Pictures and charts help many autistic people see what feelings look like. Tools like emotion cards, the Five Point Scale, and social stories show clear examples.

Therapies like CBT, social skills lessons, and occupational therapy also help people understand feelings. Letting people use stimming and making calm spaces helps them notice and handle feelings. Getting help early and in a way that fits each person helps them learn about feelings and get stronger.

Give extra time and use simple pictures when helping someone with autism notice feelings. This makes it easier for them to understand and feel safe.

Monitoring Feelings

Monitoring feelings means watching how emotions change during the day. Many autistic people do better with tools that help them see patterns in their feelings and actions. There are no tools just for feelings, but some ways help track emotions:

• Behavior sheets show what people do and how they act with others. This can show mood changes.
• Apps can track feelings right away and help find patterns.
• ABA therapy uses data to help good actions and lower bad ones, showing how feelings change.
• Logs and notes keep track of feelings and actions over time.
• Behavior checks help find out what starts certain actions, which helps understand feelings.
• Parents and teachers can share notes and meet to talk about changes in feelings and actions in different places.

These tools help autistic people and those who help them see when feelings get too strong or when something causes stress. By watching feelings, they can plan better ways to handle stress and stop overload.

Separating Emotions from Thoughts

It is important to know the difference between feelings and thoughts. Many autistic people find it hard to tell what they feel from what they think. This can make it tough to handle strong feelings or stay calm.

Knowing yourself helps here. When autistic people learn to see feelings and thoughts as different, they can pick better ways to act.

For example, someone might feel mad after a loud sound but think, “I can’t do this.” If they learn to see the feeling (mad) and the thought (“I can’t do this”) as separate, they can try calming down or saying something positive to themselves.

Thinking skills like reflection and mindfulness help build this skill. Therapies like CBT teach people to stop, notice their feelings, and check their thoughts. With practice, this helps people control feelings better and feel less upset.

Learning to know yourself and tell feelings from thoughts takes time and practice. Help from family, teachers, and therapists is very important.

Emotional regulation for autism is a big process. It means noticing, watching, and handling feelings. With the right help and tools, autistic people can learn to handle stress and change how they act. This can help them have better friendships, feel happier, and be more independent.

Strategies

Visual Supports

Visual supports help autistic people understand their feelings. These tools make emotions easier to see and talk about. Many teachers and therapists use them every day.

Emotion Charts

Emotion charts show faces or colors for each feeling. These charts help people know and name their emotions.

Many autistic kids find it easier to point at a picture than to say how they feel. You can put emotion charts on a wall, desk, or in a notebook.

• Emotion charts help kids notice and handle feelings. This helps with emotional regulation and social skills.
• Visual supports break tasks into small steps. This makes routines easier and builds confidence.
• Using emotion charts every day helps make things calm and predictable. This lowers anxiety.
• Pictures of feelings help kids share when they are upset or excited.

Therapists use emotion charts in ABA therapy. They teach kids to name feelings, spot triggers, and practice coping skills like deep breathing. Parents and teachers who use these charts at home and school help kids use their skills everywhere.

Social Stories

Social stories use simple words and pictures to explain feelings and social situations. These stories show what might happen and how to react. For example, a social story might show what to do when you feel angry or when something changes.

1. Social stories help kids understand feelings and what to expect in new places.
2. They make feelings easier to understand, which helps with emotional awareness.
3. ABA therapy uses social stories to teach coping skills and good behavior.
4. Kids who read social stories with adults learn to handle feelings better in real life.
5. Social stories lower anxiety by showing what will happen next. This makes life feel safer and more predictable.

Use social stories before new things or changes. This helps kids feel ready and less worried.

Sensory Tools

Many autistic people react strongly to sounds, lights, or touch. Sensory tools help them feel calm and safe. These tools can stop overload and help with emotional regulation for autism.

Calming Spaces

A calming space is a quiet area with soft lights and comfy seats. Some calming spaces have weighted blankets, soft pillows, or gentle sounds. These spaces help people relax when they feel overwhelmed.

Occupational therapists make sensory rooms with special equipment. Kids who use these rooms can control the lights, sounds, and textures.

Research shows calming spaces help lower anxiety, improve mood, and support emotional stability. When kids feel safe, they can focus and join activities.

Fidget Items

Fidget items are things like stress balls, chew necklaces, and textured toys. These tools give hands and mouths something to do. This helps people stay calm and focused. Fidget items can go in a pocket or backpack to use anywhere.

Sensory tools like fidget items help stop overload and meltdowns. They give comfort and help people focus during stress. Many kids use fidget items at school, in therapy, or at home to help with self-regulation.

Everyone has different sensory needs. Try different tools to see what works best.

Coping Techniques

Coping techniques teach autistic people how to calm down and handle stress. These skills help with daily life, school, and friendships.

Deep Breathing

Deep breathing is a simple way to calm your body and mind. It helps slow your heart and lower stress. Many therapists teach kids to breathe in slowly through the nose and out through the mouth.

• Deep breathing helps manage strong feelings and stop meltdowns.
• Practicing deep breathing every day makes it easier to use when stressed.
• Some kids use counting, music, or pictures to help with deep breathing.

Positive Self-Talk

Positive self-talk means saying kind things to yourself. It helps change negative thoughts and build confidence. For example, a kid might say, “I can do this,” or “I am safe.”

• Positive self-talk helps kids tell feelings from thoughts.
• It helps with emotional regulation by giving kids ways to handle worry or anger.
• Therapists and teachers show how to use positive self-talk and help kids practice it.

Other coping skills include listening to music, drawing, walking, or using a favorite object. Routines and clear words also help kids feel safe and supported. The best coping skills are the ones that fit each person’s needs and likes.

Every autistic person is different. Individual strategies work better than one-size-fits-all. Caregivers, teachers, and therapists should work together to find the best tools and skills for each child.

Therapy

Therapy is very important for autistic people. It helps them handle emotions and learn life skills. Two helpful therapies are Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Occupational Therapy (OT).

CBT

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy teaches autistic people about their thoughts and actions. Therapists use CBT to help people notice negative thoughts.

They show how to change these thoughts to better ones. This helps with feelings like anxiety, anger, and sadness.

• Studies with almost 2,500 autistic kids show CBT helps. Clinicians and caregivers see better symptoms after CBT.
• Adapted CBT lowers anxiety and helps with emotional regulation. It also improves social skills and self-esteem.
• Therapists use pictures, activities, and special interests in sessions.
• Practicing with family and role-playing helps kids use new skills.
• Group CBT lets kids practice social skills and feel more confident.

CBT works best when therapists change sessions for autism. They may go slower, use more pictures, and include caregivers.

These changes help kids and adults learn at their own pace. Sometimes, people do not feel much change, but others see big improvements. Therapists say special autism training makes CBT work even better.

CBT gives autistic people ways to handle strong feelings and anxiety. It also helps them make friends. Practicing often and having family help makes these skills last.

Occupational Therapy

Occupational Therapy helps with daily skills and sensory needs. OT teaches routines and coping skills for daily life.

1. Sensory Integration Therapy uses swings or weighted blankets. This helps kids feel calm and in control.
2. Reflex Integration Therapy works on body movements for steady emotions.
3. Craniosacral Therapy uses gentle touch to lower stress.
4. OT teaches deep breathing, using sensory toys, and finding quiet spaces.
5. Emotional literacy games and role-play help kids learn words for feelings.
6. Therapists make routines with visual schedules and cues. This lowers stress and helps kids know what will happen.
7. OT coaches parents and caregivers to help at home and school.

Research shows OT helps kids control themselves and feel less irritable. It also builds confidence. OT uses hands-on learning, not just talking.

It works on both the body and mind. OT helps kids handle strong feelings, join activities, and do well in school.

Occupational Therapy helps emotional growth by meeting sensory needs. It also teaches real-life coping skills. Family support and routines make these gains stronger.

Social Skills

Social skills training helps autistic people connect with others. It also helps them handle emotions in groups. These programs use practice and feedback to build confidence and lower anxiety.

Role-Play

Role-play lets kids and adults practice social situations safely. Therapists set up scenes like joining a group or asking for help. People act out these scenes and get feedback on what went well.

• Role-play teaches how to read body language and use the right words.
• Practicing with others builds confidence and lowers fear of mistakes.
• Doing these activities many times helps skills become automatic.

Role-play also helps with emotional regulation. People can try coping skills like deep breaths or positive self-talk during practice.

Group Activities

Group activities bring autistic people together to practice skills. These sessions use games, talks, or projects. Working in groups teaches teamwork, talking, and solving problems.

Social skills training helps people feel less lonely and more connected. It also teaches ways to handle stress and talk clearly. These programs use games, group talks, and shared tasks to make learning fun.

Social skills training gives autistic people tools to make friends and join group activities. It also helps them handle emotions in social settings. Practice and feedback help these skills get stronger over time.

Support

Caregivers

Caregivers are very important for helping autistic people with emotions. They show and teach ways to handle feelings, like deep breathing or mindfulness.

Many use pictures and calming routines to help with self-awareness. Caregivers often spot early signs of stress, such as changes in actions or words. They use calming steps or change the space to help. Therapists sometimes teach caregivers how to use these skills every day.

This is called parent-mediated intervention. These methods help lower hard behaviors and build emotional skills. Caregivers also make safe spaces that fit each person’s sensory needs.

Caregivers need to take care of themselves, too. When they get help from groups or counseling, they can support autistic people better.

Caregivers who have support and resources are stronger and give better help for emotional growth.

Professionals

Professionals like therapists and teachers use special ways to teach emotional skills. Many use ABA therapy, which breaks emotions into small steps.

They use tools like feelings charts and the Zones of Regulation to help kids name emotions. Therapists show calm actions and coping skills, like deep breathing and mindfulness. Teachers make routines and quiet spaces in classrooms. They praise or reward good emotional choices.

Professionals use role-play and social stories so kids can practice emotions safely. Therapists, teachers, and caregivers work together to use these skills at home and school.

They keep track of what causes stress and how kids improve. This helps them change plans if needed. Practicing in many places helps kids use emotional skills every day.

• ABA therapy teaches how to notice and handle emotions.
• Visual tools and routines help kids know their feelings.
• Praise and rewards help kids use coping skills.
• Working together means kids use skills everywhere, not just in therapy.

Environments

The right space helps people feel better emotionally. Calm colors, like soft blue and green, help stop too much stimulation. Sensory rooms have quiet spots, places to move, and things to touch.

These help kids control what they sense. Weighted blankets, headphones, and soft lights make spaces more comfortable. Keeping rooms neat and tidy helps kids focus and feel less stress.

Calming smells or soft music can help people relax. Letting autistic people help design their space makes sure it fits their needs. Picture cards and schedules help with changes and routines.

Routines and clear rules make life feel safe and steady. Being flexible with routines helps kids learn to adapt and feel confident. Safe spots at home, like quiet corners or swing chairs, give kids a place to calm down.

• Organized spaces make people feel safe and know what to expect.
• Sensory tools stop overload and help with self-control.
• Pictures and routines make changes easier and life more stable.
• Letting kids help design spaces makes them feel comfortable and trusted.

A supportive space at home and school helps autistic people feel safe and ready to handle their emotions.

Myths

Emotions in Autism

Some people think those with autism do not feel emotions or want friends. This is not true at all. People with autism feel many emotions, like happiness, sadness, and empathy.

They might show these feelings in ways that seem different. For example, some do not look others in the eye or find it hard to start talking. These differences can make others think they do not care or want friends.

• People with autism often want to be social but may find it hard to share feelings.
• They might not understand body language or faces, so they need clear words.
• Some like being alone sometimes, just like other people do.

People with autism feel emotions very deeply. They might need help to show or understand their feelings, but their emotions are just as strong as anyone else’s.

Meltdowns vs. Tantrums

Many people mix up meltdowns and tantrums, but they are not the same. Studies show there are big differences between them.

1. Goal Orientation: Tantrums are usually done to get something, like a toy or attention. Meltdowns happen when someone feels too much from sounds, feelings, or information. Meltdowns are not about getting things.
2. Audience Dependency: Tantrums often stop if no one is watching. Meltdowns can happen even when someone is alone.
3. Control and Response: Tantrums can change if you give rewards or punishments. Meltdowns cannot be stopped this way and are not under the person’s control.
4. Duration and Persistence: Most kids stop having tantrums as they grow up. Meltdowns can still happen to autistic people when they are adults.
5. Emotional and Physiological Nature: Meltdowns cause strong feelings and body changes. Heart rate and stress go up. People may feel scared, sad, or angry and need time alone to feel better.

Meltdowns are not bad behavior. They show someone is overwhelmed and upset. Knowing this helps people respond with kindness and support.

One-Size-Fits-All

Some people think one answer works for everyone with autism. Research shows this is not correct. Each person with autism is different and has their own needs.

• Some people react more to sounds or lights, while others do not.
• Some have trouble stopping actions or controlling what they do.
• Brain connections are different, which changes how emotions are handled.
• Some people find it hard to know their own feelings or read faces.
• Things that cause stress or worry are not the same for everyone.

There is no single way that works for all. Emotional regulation in autism needs to fit each person. Support should match what each person is good at and what they need.

Resources

Books

Many experts suggest books to help autistic people and families learn about emotional regulation. These books use easy words, pictures, and simple activities. They help kids and adults understand feelings and find ways to cope.

• Recognizing and Regulating Emotions: This e-book uses emotion charts and pictures to help kids with autism notice and manage feelings. It has activities like acting out faces and practicing calm breathing. Parents and teachers say it is simple to use. Kids like the pictures and easy steps.
• Social Skills Training and Frustration Management by J. Baker: This book gives exercises and pictures for handling feelings and frustration. It uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and social skills lessons to help kids learn coping skills.
• Cognitive Behavior Therapy for ASD by C. Gray: This book has hands-on activities and pictures. It teaches kids with autism how to face emotional problems and build better coping skills.
• Why Emotional Regulation Might Mean EVERYTHING: Experts like Temple Grandin and Barry Prizant praise this book for its caring and science-based ideas. The author explains how autistic people feel emotions and sense things. The book gives tips to stop behavior problems by focusing on feelings. It encourages kindness and helps parents, teachers, and therapists support emotional regulation.

Many of these books use pictures, simple guides, and real-life stories. They help kids and adults learn to notice feelings and practice new skills every day.

Online Materials

Good online resources give autistic people and families new information and helpful tips for emotional regulation. These websites and articles are checked by experts and have step-by-step guides.

• Simply Psychology: This website has an expert-checked article for autistic adults. It talks about common problems like sensory overload, burnout, meltdowns, and alexithymia. The article suggests using a sensory kit, like earplugs or fidget toys, and making safe spaces. It explains how to recover from burnout by resting, setting limits, and taking care of yourself. The site also teaches ways to grow your emotional word list, use mindfulness, and show feelings through art or writing. For anxiety and stress, it suggests keeping a routine, knowing what causes stress, and using relaxing activities like exercise and hobbies.

Online resources like these help autistic people find new ideas and connect with others who have similar experiences.

Support Groups

Support groups are safe places for autistic people and families to share stories, ask questions, and learn from each other. These groups meet in person or online. Members talk about emotional regulation, coping skills, and daily problems.

• Local autism groups often run support groups for parents, caregivers, and autistic people.
• Many schools and therapy centers have group meetings about emotional skills and social support.
• Online forums and social media groups connect people from many places. Members share tips, resources, and support.

Support groups help people feel less alone. They give families and autistic people a chance to learn from others and feel more sure about handling feelings. Many people feel comfort and strength by joining these groups.

Support groups can really help. They give understanding, friendship, and useful advice for daily life.

• Autism changes how people talk and make friends. This also changes how they handle feelings. – Many autistic people have a hard time with emotional regulation. This is often tied to feeling anxious or sad. – Things inside the body, like alexithymia and how the brain works, matter too. – Help from family, teachers, and experts builds coping skills. – Tools like emotion charts and set routines really help. – New studies and plans made for each person give hope for better lives and more freedom.

When communities care, learn, and support autistic people, everyone does better.

FAQ

What is emotional regulation in autism?

Emotional regulation in autism means dealing with strong feelings in good ways. Autistic people might need special help or tools to calm down. They also need support to understand feelings and handle stress.

Why do autistic people have trouble with emotions?

Autistic people often notice things more than others. Their brains work differently with feelings and senses. This makes it hard to know, name, or control emotions.

How can caregivers help with emotional regulation?

Caregivers can use emotion charts, set routines, and make calm spaces. They can show how to handle stress and give clear steps. Being patient and supportive helps autistic people feel safe.

Are meltdowns the same as tantrums?

No, they are not the same thing. Meltdowns happen when someone feels too much and cannot control it. They are not done on purpose or to get something. Tantrums are usually to get attention or a thing.

What tools help autistic people manage emotions?

Many people use pictures, fidget toys, or quiet spaces. Deep breathing, saying kind words to yourself, and routines help too. Each person may need different things to feel better.

Can therapy improve emotional regulation?

Yes, therapy can help a lot. Therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Occupational Therapy teach ways to cope. These therapies help autistic people learn about and handle their feelings.

Do all autistic people struggle with emotional regulation?

Not everyone has the same problems. Some autistic people have more trouble than others. Support and plans should match what each person needs.

Where can families find more resources?

Families can look for books, websites, and support groups. Many autism groups give free guides and have local meetings.